...for someone to believe in...

...so in the absence of this, i'll just be satisfied with a gripping political ad.

this thursday sees the latest in the series of what appear to be becoming bi-annual general elections here in the state of kuwait.

i can't vote, and i don't speak a word of arabic, so i'm just amusing myself by watching the circus.

this one caught my eye.

i do know enough about the history of this nation (both recent and further back) to know what is going on here.

what was once a decent country is being dragged down. and there are some people here who genuinely want to see a change, and to reclaim their country from the idiots.

these are the people i support.

if nothing else, we might at least get some moody tv here.

...for a happy pill...

to take on monday, 16th

or sunday, 15th.

to be honest i'm not sure when to take it.

and the worry of it is getting me down.

a few years ago some bright spark nominated the first day of the third week of january as the most depressing day of the year. he named it 'blue monday' because, where he comes from, the first day of the working week is monday. where i live the first day of the working week is sunday.

it's not as if i don't have enough on my mind without this additional projected burden.

his rationale was generally well thought through though:

* by this time most people will have failed miserably to keep their new year resolutions

* the realisation of debt accumulated during december's festivities will have hit home, and january's payday still feels an excruciatingly long way off

* january is typically dull. both in terms of daylight, and in terms of jovial things to do

* plus there are no public holidays due for the
 foreseeable future

regardless, even once blue monday is over, i suspect everything will be only slightly less depressing.

i'd have probably passed through the 15th and 16th days of the year without giving them any more thought than i shall the 14th and the 17th.

but now that i know that one of them is the most depressing day of the year, i shall fret until it has passed.

 and i shall still have to wait a full five months to reach the zenith of what is apparently the happiest day of the year -
june the 17th.

already i'm depressed that, come june the 18th, i shall have nothing left to look forward to in 2012.

apart from the end of the world. 


image effortlessly stolen from here

...for an assistant geek...

stephen hawking has advertised for an assistant.

i find myself under-qualified in the geekiness stakes to be able to apply, because although it involves wheelchair maintenance (#check) and dealing with the media and press (#check), it also calls for the applicant to be able to "maintain 'black box' systems with no instruction manual or technical support" (#monumentalfail)

however, perhaps you might like to apply:

Graduate Assistant to Stephen Hawking

The above post is expected to become available shortly, with a starting date around 20th-27th February 2012. The salary is expected to be in the region of £25k; the exact value will be confirmed in the near future.

Disclaimer: This is not an official job applications page, however similar it may look! The official applications process will be started when the post has been properly advertised, probably in mid-January. We will not be able to offer the post to anyone on the strength of this unofficial submission alone; we can only direct people to apply through the official channel. However, if you fit our requirements, we would like to hear from you.

The post is more accurately described by the title “Technical Assistant to Stephen Hawking.” It is not a PhD or Post-Doc position for academics looking to study physics, but a purely technical post to allow Prof. Hawking to function within the physics community and as a public speaker.

The original purpose of this position was “to aid Professor Hawking in those areas which he has difficulty due to his disability.” The job has since expanded and now includes:

Managing national and international travel for Prof. Hawking and his care team. Expect to spend around 3 months per year abroad!
Development and maintenance of Professor Hawking’s communication and speech systems
Procurement and maintenance of his wheelchairs and accessible van
Preparation of lecture graphics and public speaking
Dealing with the media and press
Answering inquiries from the public and maintaining the website

The post requires a wide range of skills, most importantly:
Ability to work under pressure
Maintenance of “black box” systems with no instruction manual or technical support
Computer literacy
Electronics knowledge
Ability to speak to a large audience
Ability to show others how to use complex systems

The role of ‘Graduate Assistant to Professor Hawking’ is funded as a research post at the University of Cambridge. Normally it has been under a 12 month contract, although recent graduate assistants have stayed on for several years.

Although the initial post has since been removed, interested parties are advised to check back here for further information as and when it becomes available.

...for more of the same...

and a solvent induced high.

the older i get the more convinced i am that

 'progress' isn't always a good thing.

i live in a world of indesign, photoshop, pdfs, dropbox

 and print-runs in their tens of thousands.

yet nothing evokes a feeling of achievement more than hand cranking out a limited run of facsimiles on a ditto (if you're american, more likely banda if you're british) machine.

they were a staple of every classroom long before whiteboards were ever dreamed of and were widely used in offices.

the shock of the purple words and the coolness of their touch

 as the alcohol evaporated from the moist paper combined with the heady rush garnered from the fumes produced an unforgettable experience. holding and sniffing a ipad just doesn't give the same kicks. not to me anyway.

i fear banda and ditto machines may have been consigned to the dustbin of history in the same way that typewriters, film photography and records all have.

wait a minute. aren't they all making a come-back?

in the same way that they cast the focus onto taking pleasure from raw creativity rather than impersonal digitisation, packaging and presentation, a ditto would surely do the same.

perhaps there could be a life for the ditto machine still yet.