...for a mechanical soul...

i love typewriters. and i love the typewritten word.

i've also spent many happy hours taking mechanical entities apart. and even more (almost) rebuilding them.

i thought i would enjoy the work of todd mclellan more than i did.

i thought i would see the soul of a typewriter.

instead i saw nothing more than a mortician sees on his slab.

still, you might see things differently...

http://www.toddmclellan.com/ and click on 'new work'

...for some loose change...

how can EVERY country be in debt?

where did all the money go to?

...for adulterated freshness...

tinned fruit.

does this count towards my five-a-day?

according to nutritionists apparently it does

(but only because the fruit is in its own juice, not in syrup).

they're convenient - but in the same way that the flavour of instant coffee has little in common with that of freshly-ground coffee, these are distant cousins of fresh strawberries.

although i understand they can be used as the

 core ingredient for a rather cheeky homemade wine.

how very 1970s.

...for the limits of responsible journalism...

i guess this is what's called being 'quick off the mark'.

shocking.

i won't be buying it.

in case it's a spoof.

...for another splash of genuine snake-oil...

...or even 'anointing' water (for the salvation of my soul).

spiritual beliefs are all very well, 

until innocent people start dying.

at least three people in london with HIV have died after they stopped taking life saving drugs on the advice of their

 evangelical christian pastors.

HIV prevention charity african health policy network (ahpn) says a growing number of london churches have been telling people the power of prayer will "cure" their infections.

"this is happening through a number of churches. we're hearing about more cases of this," ahpn chief francis kaikumba said.

ahpn said it believed the synagogue church of all nations (scoan), which has uk headquarters in southwark, south london, may be involved in such practices.

the church is headed by pastor t b joshua, nigeria's third richest clergyman, according to a recent forbes richlist.

(are alarm bells ringing in your head too?)

'hiv-aids healing' is listed on the church's website among 'miracles' it says it can perform.

'cancer healing' and 'baby miracles' are also advertised.

all this, in 21st century london.

and apparently it can't be stopped.

m u r d e r  o f  t h e  i n n o c e n t s

...for a legal high...

caffeine may be the world's number one psychoactive drug,

 but leo sayer must be a close second.

maybe the 1970s weren't so bad after all.

...for an anglo-indian dictionary...

i was caught somewhat off-guard by an email i received yesterday, the purpose of which was to inform me that the timing of an invitation had been brought forward. 

indeed, i was advised that the event had been 'preponed'.

of course i grasped immediately the salient message, but it set me wondering over the correctness of this term.

it transpires it is a term adopted by indian speakers of english, and is now seeking acceptance in the wider anglophone-world.

i can't see myself using this any more than i can see myself using 'revert' when in fact i mean 'reply'.

what's wrong with people?
does anyone actually own a dictionary these days?

...for the safest of havens...

whilst nuclear holocaust has slipped steadily down my own
 mental ladder of current concerns, it has been replaced by a
 great many other impending events that seem certain to bring
 on my untimely annihilation. and possibly yours too.

a) the economic meltdown could see civil order turned on it's head.

b) the global food crisis could see those whom the west
 currently exploits coming to knock on our door and
 asking for their fair share.

c) global warming is certain to cause sea levels to rise
 putting at risk anyone afflicted with dwarfism or those
 a little-on-the-short-side.

and d) there's still the nagging threat of nuclear fall-out
 either through conflict, terrorism or accident.

oh, and harold camping has predicted that friday 21 october will really honestly and truly be the last day of life on the planet.
 he got it wrong when he predicted it would be 21 may.
 but he guarantees it this time.

so, i'm making plans.

where are the world's ultimate safe havens?

1. chiang mai, thailand - marc faber, one of the world's gloomiest investors, lives here. whilst most of south east asia has been torn apart by both drug wars and wars of the conventional kind, chiang mai has remained stable. the rural and agricultural setting would provide for sustenance when, after the economic meltdown is complete, your dollars are worthless.

2. tristan da cunha, somewhere in the south atlantic - with a population of just 271 they're probably looking to grow and would welcome some company. great opportunities for anglers.

3. denver, colorado - a mile high, so is likely to be amongst the last to be affected by higher sea-levels.

4. bern, switzerland - because it's in switzerland.
so everything will be fine.

5. pancuk jaya, indonesia - not much going for it other than it is home to the world's largest gold mine, and third largest copper mine. get your feet under the table here and you're sorted.


and -

6. tierra del fuego, chile or argentina, not sure which but it's right at the bottom of south america - wind patterns make this city the perfect place to avoid nuclear fallout.


of course none of us will be safe anywhere should harold camping be proved correct this time. should this be the case we shall all have cause to mourn, not least, for harold himself.

...for the truth about van gogh's death...

as the oatmeal-brained portion of the world remains transfixed by goings-on at the trial of michael jackson's erstwhile 'physician' (did he do it, or did he simply let-it-happen - i'm trying to care, but i just don't), there has been a renewed frisson of interest in events surrounding the death of vincent van gogh. 

it having been believed, since his death in 1890, that he took his own life (bullet to the chest), new 'evidence' suggests his death was in fact accidental at the hands of two local boys and involved a pistol with a dodgy trigger.

the claim is made in 'van gogh: the life', due to be 

published tomorrow. authors steven naifeh and gregory white 

smith, for whom the book is the result of a decade of research, reveal this whilst making the bold claim that such news could "rewrite art history". i hardly think so, but it is a great hook

 on which to promote a new book.

to be fair though, they do have a fine pedigree having 

previously published a pulitzer prize-winning biography of 

jackson pollock (in 1991).

i wonder if scholars will still be debating the circumstances surrounding jacko's death when the 22nd century comes knocking

 on our door.

by then, perhaps, the truth about van gogh's tendency to wear

 only a single glove, and his innate ability to moon-walk may

 too have been revealed.

...for something interesting to say...

it just is. ok?

...for a better way to describe blackberry's business model...

...down the pan.

...for an ultra-orthodox jew that i couldn't love...

i love ultra-orthodox jews...

because there's always a story.

having only just finished their chicken swirling escapades during yom kippur last weekend, these cheeky chappies are now picketing a new school for girls in beit shemesh outside jerusalem.

the reason? they are offended by the sight of the girls and their families passing their homes.

the lunacy? the girls are themselves from an orthodox community.

it is, as the bbc reporter kevin connolly says,

"intimidating and disturbing stuff"

you can, and indeed must, listen here:

bbc radio - ultra-orthodox jews picket girls'school

they bring shame not only on their faith, but on humanity itself.

...for the way out... (part two)

some days are harder than others.

...for a proof reader... (part three)

temporally?

could be.

...for a cure for naivety...

occupy wall street. i'm completely in support of the protest.

there has been far too large a degree of insouciance inferred on the inequities, ineptitudes and injustices that undoubtedly continue to lay at the root of the current financial crisis.

but no amount of 'prayer' to any god or pseudo-r*ligion is going

 to solve it. nor is sitting in the middle of occupied wall street and publicly displaying one's own personal naivety.

in this case - naivety is close to idiocy.

you can find more about the faces and signs of 'occupy wall

 street' on the excellent flavorwire by simply targeting your digital device here where you can see more like this:

does she have any idea what tahrir square was about, and how far removed this is from the reasons for 'occupy wall street' ?

n a i v e

...for a little perspective...

stevejobsmania - still no end in sight?

seemed like a nice guy. knew how to package a product. certainly relieved my family of much hard-earned money.

but he did tuck his shirts in.

...for the perfect ride... (part two)

road cycling - 'it can never be too gay, nor too expensive'

for a sport as tough as this, to have an unspoken tenet such

 as that is, well, perhaps not so surprising when you consider

 a group of cyclists is most likely to be a combination of men

 in lycra, with shaved legs, whose primary concern is maintaining their ideal weight. 

it's also a sport that, taken a little too seriously at times

 by its followers, sets itself up for parody.

this has been achieived nowhere better than by team jva here

 with a parody of rapha's excellent-but-far-too-serious

 website which you can visit here.

...for a worthy winner...

bob dylan to win the nobel prize for literature?

clearly not this year, anyway.

i must admit that i came to this story rather late in the day, indeed almost as the winner was due to be announced. it still gave me enough time to consider where the story came from and what a win for the bobster would have meant.

nominated, fairly i agree, he only became a 'front-runner' in the last stages due to increased media interest based on unfounded speculation that he was going to scoop the prize. 

this interest became a frenzy which, in short order, 

pushed punters into betting shops and we saw the odds against

 a dylan win tumble. the faster they fell, the more credible it seemed that he would indeed win.

given, though, that neither i nor (i imagine) you sat on this year's nobel committee, nor did any of those writing the stories or rushing to ladbrokes, the episode was based on nothing more than an unusual form of intellectually-derived hysteria. what fun to observe.

in a list of nominees that included haruki murakami, amos oz, thomas pynchon and ultimate winner tomas transtromer, would it have been right to see robert allen zimmerman's name added to a list that already includes ernest hemingway, george bernard shaw, jean-paul sartre and harold pinter?

in a word - yes.

...for the way out...

it's personal.

...for the right words...

i love language.

i love living, breathing language.

the 11th edition of the collins english dictionary, to be published tomorrow, has delighted me by formalising a fresh clutch of contemporary chatter, some examples of which i shall display here:

mumpreneur

a woman who combines running a business with

 looking after her children

foodoir

a book or blog which combines a personal memoir with

 a series of recipes

clicktivism

combines the words click and activism to mean using the

 internet to take direct and often militant action

 to achieve political or social aims

frape

which mixes the words facebook and rape to refer to the altering of information on a person's profile on the social networking site without their permission

cuddle class

a category of airline ticket in which two passengers purchase an additional seat so that they can recline together

mamil

a middle-aged man in lycra

and of course the current revolts across the middle east and north africa are reflected in the term 'arab spring', a period in which arab people seek democratic reforms.

but i can't help thinking that this, as well as all other dictionaries, lag behind the times. the finest reference sources are truly the likes of you and me and the words we speak and write as we all play a role in defining the direction our beloved language takes in the future.

looked upon like that, we shoulder a huge responsibility.

...for a pair that fit...

...or a window dresser with a sense of humour...

they've been half-mast for days.

i haven't the heart to draw it to their attention.

...for vinyl...

neither itunes nor amazon could ever hope to match the sensoral experience of spending several hours in a record store on a saturday morning. downloading an mp3 lacks the emotion derived from flipping through endless rows of albums until finally your eyes alight on the 12 inch japanese import picture-disc that you thought would forever remain at the end of your personal musical rainbow.

there are records shops that remain. however today they are rare and should be treasured, but above all they should be shopped in.

for those, like me, who still yearn for the simple life when the only thing about bands that was manufactured were their vinyl records, you might enjoy reading this post to be found on the splendid the culturist blog:

the culturist - sound it out

...for the perfect ride...

the sprinter - by jesse meyer

world bicycle relief is dedicated to providing access to independence and livelihood through the power of bicycles.

tour de france winning components manufacturer, sram, sent

 a box of one-hundred randomly selected cycle parts from across the sram family including zipp, rockshox and truvativ to a handpicked group of artists, and invited them to interpret

 the components in any way that they felt inspired.

the works will be auctioned online starting october 15th 2011 with the money raised going to the charity world bicycle relief.

 you can, and indeed should, visit the SRAM pART Project here

founded by SRAM Corporation in 2005 and supported by leaders in the bicycle industry, world bicycle relief specializes in large-scale, comprehensive bicycle programs by providing supply chain management, technical knowledge and logistics expertise to poverty relief and disaster recovery initiatives.

compared to walking, bicycles represent an enormous leap in productivity and access to healthcare, education and economic development opportunities. the simple, sustainable nature of bicycles empowers individuals, their families and their communities.

...for the truth about the speed of light...

last week i was upset by neutrinos apparently debunking einstein's theory, now this week it's the fluorescent bulbs i've had fitted at home to replace my incandescents.

no longer is it safe for me to just flick the switch and walk.

 not without the risk of tripping over 

unilluminated objects on the floor.

either i've got faster, 

or the speed of light has slowed down still further.

or fluorescent light bulbs are crap.

...for the perfect espresso... (part five)

good news. coffee prices are falling.

credit suisse group has cut its 3-month and 12-month 

price forecasts for arabica coffee traded on 

'i.c.e. futures u.s.' in new york.

arabica coffee will be $2.20 a pound in three months and $2 in

 12 months. that compares with august estimates of $2.85 

and $2.40, the bank said.

this year, coffee production is likely to come in fairly 

high, driven by a solid crop in brazil, and colombia’s 

coffee output is also recovering.

so, does this mean i'll be drinking a less expensive 

brewski in the morning?

no.

why?

dunno.

...for somewhere to call home...

more than half of the global population now live within an urban area, by 2050 this will increase to 75%. yet some cities are expanding, and some are shrinking. 

gary hustwit's film urbanized looks at those who are, and who can be, involved in future city planning.

by exploring a diverse range of urban design projects around

 the world, urbanized frames a global discussion on the 

future of cities.

urbanized is the third part of gary hustwit’s design film trilogy, joining helvetica and objectified. urbanized has premiered at film festivals, this will be followed by cinema screenings worldwide and television broadcasts. if your wonderful city misses all of those you'll just have to wait for its release on dvd 

and other digital formats.

'urbanized' screening schedule

...for just one more day...

'thirty days hath september'; and that's always bothered me.

i don't much care that april, june and november also 'hath' thirty, but september is different altogether.

september is a month for looking back over a great summer. it's a month where i remember only the good of the past months, and forget the bad. winter is coming, so every day that mother nature colludes with me to keep it at bay is a bonus.

september ends abruptly, a thirty-first day would ease me into autumn. the first of october brings a different mindset altogether, before long thoughts will begin to readily turn towards next year.

march could be the one to sacrifice. march is at least a day too long anyway following, as it does, the runt of the calendar. 

september the thirty-first.

i need just one more day.